I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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