I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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