she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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