They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
