Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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