I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
