I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
