Your mouth is God's brothel.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
