Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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