just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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