Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
