if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
