i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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