based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Shame - the story of my life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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