and you said cock pushups were impossible
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
