He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
