i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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