i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
