I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
