It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
