Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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