guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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