I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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