i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
