I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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