If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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