I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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