I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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