tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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