Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
