I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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