Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
