I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
