I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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