OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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