ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We named our party play list daddy issues
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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