JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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