That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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