if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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