did you get engaged???
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
