I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
