Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
