on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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