tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
