Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize