My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
