just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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