You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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