I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
