9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
