The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
