Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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