Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize