look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
