I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
