I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
