I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
