i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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