her vagine was all disorganized.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
