Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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