His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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