I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dude. I can hear the air.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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