this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Drunk is not a location!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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