This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
