you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
