You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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