i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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