The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
