Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
