did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
