I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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