i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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