hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
