i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
