I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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