New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
