Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
