4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize