I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
