I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
