Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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