I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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