Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
