im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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