The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
