Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize