the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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