i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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