you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
