Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
