quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
