it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
