Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
