You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
