Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
