So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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