I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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