Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize