Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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