respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
