I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sobbing to NWA
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
