just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
