Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
