The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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