New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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